Reset

it has been some time since I last wrote, mainly because there was nothing to report, those 6 and 3 monthly scans became almost part of normality.

I had just completed my first big bike packing experience, 160miles around the gorgeous Shropshire hills, 2 week later everything changed.

I knew when the letter arrived telling me I had an appointment with oncology, knowing I was already under oncology for by brain drove the anxiety and panic through the roof, i made frantic calls to my Urology team and demanded an explanation, timings is the response.

We sit together in the room with the Oncology Dr, new growth on my remaining Kidney, a very rare complication of my form of cancer and one that not many had seen.

So here I was, faced with the prospect of now being on palliative care, those words hit hard, I immediately stopped work the thought of having to counsel people about their mental health the furthest thing from my mind.

The treatment plan was simple, medication to extend my life rather tan cure the cancer or remove it, tablets everyday with a 6 weekly visit to the hospital for an infusion.

Targeted and immunotherapy, I’ve never been good at taking medication, in fact I am a tad anti medication most of the time, now forced into a new routine, get up, have tablets, eat.

Its been a strange time since June, 5 months have passed, multiple treatments have taken place, side effects have appeared, some stayed some have gone.

I have now given up all camping and adventuring, my body to tiered and sore, to achey to do any significant miles, one of the main issues for me has been the stinging of my skin both on my hands and feet the feeling akin to having been digging all day and gathering multiple calluses which make my hands sore to touch anything, my feet become sore from walking to much forcing me to stop after only a short time.

Now, we are 5 months on, 5 months past when we prepped for the shortening of time, for the unknown, the confusion and fear, the doctors tell me I have responded to the treatment well, that things are looking ok and although this is good, it brings with it a whole new load of unknown questions for the future.

I’ve no doubt that my time on this planet is very short, but in that I feel lucky, I know that my time is short, that I don’t have forever to do things or experience life and what it has to offer.

I now wait for my ill health retirement, I await news on my drivers license being reinstated, I await what will come.